The call signaled my heart to drop to the bottom of my stomach.

Is this really happening?

It was as though my life suddenly fell off the tracks and plunged to the ground unexpectedly.

Why didn’t I notice?

I was like that girl who was looking for her sunglasses that were right on top of her head the entire time.

Could I have done something?

I never stopped to even send a text asking how everything was going, to make sure everything was okay.

I had a thousand knives of guilt stabbing at my heart all at once.

***

While preparing to close up for the night at work, I called my boyfriend to tell him when to come pick me up. I never expected that call to change my life.

“I have bad news,” he said. The four words no one ever wants to hear.

When he told me what happened, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. Too many thoughts were flooding my mind.

I was told my best friend tried to take the wrong way out of a bad situation, and I almost lost him.

He had been there for me when my ex-boyfriend was making my life difficult. He was there when I had a breakdown, and walked all the way to my house on sleeping medication to counsel me and to help me get over the pain. He was there whenever I was sad and could always put a smile on my face. He was there to make me laugh when I didn’t want to.

Why wasn’t I there for him?

In the past few months, we’ve grown apart. On weekends, it became the same routine- play pool with friends, go home. He was there too, but somehow we lost the ability to share the parts of our lives that really mattered. That daily routine was no replacement for the quality time with my best friends, the ones who need me the most.

People say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. The incident was a slap in the face, a wake-up call. It shouldn’t have taken something tragic to realize just what a “how are you doing” can mean to someone. Since that phone call at work, I’ve decided to stop assuming my friends are OK just because they seem that way on the outside. Now I try to know what’s going on inside as well. Looks can be deceiving.

***

As you’re reading this right now, think about the number of faces you see every day. Some of those faces mask hidden emotions – sorrow, rage, frustration, fear, pain. You don’t exactly know what’s hiding under the mask unless you ask the person wearing it.