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Column: The secret that came out

“Silence overpowered the room and I completely broke down.”

%22I+would+constantly+be+asked+if+I%E2%80%99m+over+the+%27phase.%27+It%E2%80%99s+not+a+phase%2C+this+is+who+I+really+am.%22

"I would constantly be asked if I’m over the 'phase.' It’s not a phase, this is who I really am."

Photo by Stephanie Rosas

Photo by Stephanie Rosas

"I would constantly be asked if I’m over the 'phase.' It’s not a phase, this is who I really am."

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What seems like forever ago, was only about a year ago. What felt so right, seemed so wrong. At least to my family.

Although I felt different, I could never point out what it was.

I was friends with this girl, and what seemed to be a close relationship was turning more serious than I thought it would ever be.

Is this happening? I thought to myself.

Am I really developing feelings for a…girl?

And so I was. Next thing I know, I’m dating a girl.

After a few months of being in this relationship, I knew this was why I always felt like there was something different about me.

I am bisexual.

I knew I had to inform my questioning parents sooner or later. Afraid of how they’d react, I decided to keep it a secret. Most of the time, I would come home with gifts and it became harder to keep a secret.

My mom asked many questions.

I would brush them off and say the gifts were just from a friend. Of course, not any regular friend gives you roses. What seemed like a heavy weight on my shoulders, was only getting heavier. I couldn’t stand lying. Especially about who I am as a person.

Until one day, my mom found out. She’d gone through my social media and realized I was indeed, in a relationship with another female.

My mom told me…she found out.

Silence overpowered the room and I completely broke down.

As I confirmed that it was true, I was dating another girl, my mom quickly and repeatedly told me, “This is not OK.”

At that moment, all I felt was a sick painful feeling in my stomach and my heart drop. I went into my room without saying a word, just a stare.

Laying in my bed, I curled up and cried. My mom doesn’t accept me for being bisexual.

What felt like hours was only minutes. My mom informed the rest of my family about my sexuality. My phone filled with calls from relatives. I pick up to one of them.

The words I’ve heard before, I hear again. “This is not OK.”

Truly heartbroken and feeling as if I was doing something wrong, I laid in the dark throughout the silent night crying my eyes out.

See, nobody in my family understood. I would constantly be asked if I’m over the “phase.” It’s not a phase, this is who I really am.

Over time, I grew to love myself regardless of what people think. Although I’m still not accepted by some, I continue being who I am, bisexual.

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Column: The secret that came out